LIQuify_D_glacial_CHYck's Xanga

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Sat, 28 Feb 2009 05:46:31 GMT

Warm Fuzzies 1-3

For years I've been avoiding documenting my life. Now I'm realizing that in one way or another I can't help it...His Word,written word... God made me for this stuff!

Warm Fuzzy #1

02/06/09

I had a good phone convo w/ the bro. joked and laughed about I don't even remember what but then he had to run so he could grab some food before all the places closed so he rushed me off the phone. Then like 2 minutes later he called back and said that he forgot to say "Byeloveyou" and that he was calling back just to say that. AHHH...the fuzzies came.

Date?

Mi primo y yo talked about the Lord. He told me that he purposefully doesn't open his heart to anyone and that it makes life easier because he doesn't have to feel. He also said that he didn't know where he was with the Lord and said he believes in the Lord and prays but knows he has stuff to get right before he goes to God. I didn't say what I wanted to because I didn't want to preach at him. He asked me why I go to church and I got to tell him the last words our Grandmother said to me before she died (about how I needed to go to church). He told me I have heart (duh). I got to talk to him while he's in the sand....that in itself brings the fuzzies.

02/27/09

The cuzo "G" called and we talked for about 2 hours. We shared laughs and crys. (FUZZINESS) We ended up talking about the Lord and he told me about how a lady had gave him cards with scriptures on them...

TBC...

First Night/Morning of Class

Wed, 14 Jan 2009 13:18:30 GMT

WOW, what a great way to start off the semester...

Last night after it took me over half an hour to go to sleep and I was asleep for at least an hour the fire alarm goes off. Really?! I am in my green night gown that I refuse to let LT see me in (which something to ld me not to put it on in the first place). I grab my keys and coat but my roommate is still in bed so I slap her a few tiems and tell her that we need to leave. We stand outside for about 15 miutes before we leave and just crash somewhere else. I was upset because it was like 12am and I didn't get to sleep until like 1:45-2am and I had an 8 am class...or so I thought! I get up get dressed all that jazz low and behold my class starts at 9...I could've slept another HOUR!! Haha...welps I'm off to spend more morning time with Jesus.

So yea...GREAT START!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Wed, 14 Jan 2009 13:14:45 GMT

First

As for me and my HOUSE...we will SERVE the LORD!!

Sun, 27 Jul 2008 21:05:40 GMT

I wish I would have blogged last week so that I could have a visual to look back on and see God's handiwork.

Today my family went to church with me and for that alone I praise God. If that would have been all that happened with them today I still would have been grateful and whispered a sweet thanks to my Father because for a while now I have been the only one in my household pressing through. However, today that wasn't enough for the Lord.

The pastor prayed for my mother and they talked a lot and there was some prophecy that went forth that came to pass before we left the church building. I don't know what all the pastor said to my mom because it was obviously between those two, even though I would really like to know.

One of the things I assume they talked about is something my mother and I have been praying for: to send a man of God into our lives to be a spiritual father to my brother. Today God did just that. Actually he just revealed to us who that man of God would be. Apostle. Additionally, Apostle told me that he had been praying (or simply prayed) that the next time my mom came to his church that she would leave with a new insight and be changed. Well, the prayers of the righteous availeth much. My mom looked at him, shok her head, and spke a few words to which he told me had been an answer to his praise. For all of this I PRAISE the Lord.

During church...

For the first time in a really long time the teens that were in the church got to go to the back and have their own seperate service (with Apostle). They called the teens to the back and my brother was the first one on his feet to obey the order. That touched my heart. Anway, they finished up before we did so they just joined us for the rest of service. At some point after that the church entered a time of praise (which can be categorized as chrasmatic, radical, or what-I-like-to-call unconventional). The majority of us began to march around the sanctuary clapping, singing, and dancing. When that ended some people started running. We got my brother to come out in the aisles and run too. Just to see him moving around in church brought a smile to my face and I couldn't help but encougage him and say "GET IT BOY!!" I understand that running around the church may not I mean anything to some and most Christians might actually find it foolish HOWEVER running in church symbolizes something greater than what the natural eye can see. I don't view running in this context in simple way. I believe that God operates both in and outside of religion and convention. I also believe that things happen in the natural that correspond with the spiritual Having said all that seeing my brother run around the church gave me a greater hope in his running the "Christian race" and that he would eventually be able to walk in freedom and truth. All of this happened before the apostle spoke to the youth in front of us, but even before he did that I could tell that he saw something in my brother and had taken a particualr liking to him (the way that several men in the past have) by the way he called my brother's name to encourage him to join us in the festivities at hand. Whenever Apostle spoke to the youth while he was in the congregation he prophesied over them and said that the Lord would continue to use their gifts for His glory as well as other things. He publically told them that he would support them especially those who didn't have their fathers in their life. There was one kid that lived four hours away from the church and he told her that he would come down and see her play sports. He told my brother that he (apostle) was in place to serve him (my bro). ANSWERED PRAYER Can someone say hallelujah!? He also told the men that it was time for them to step up and be men. He also said that today he found out where his heart was...with the youth (the same place that my heart is). He said that by being back there with them for such a short period of time he had been impressed and was proud of them. When I was talking to him after church I smiled and said "You see I have the crew with me today." He smiled back and told me that he saw a lot of things in my brother that reminded him of himself when he was younger but that another man had took from him the same way my brothers old coach and other people have been trying to take from my brother. The best thing that happened with the youth today though, was the fact that one young man gave his life to Christ and received salvation and my brother came to the understanding that he had received salvation in Hawaii (which I didn't know; and the apostle told him to start listening to the Holy Spirits unctioning). The young man's (Joshua) family grabbed him and hugged him. My bro's not like that so I just smiled and tried to contain my joy and refrain from punching a hole in the wall or flipping over a chair. I am so excited. All this time I didn't know that my brother was fully my brother (in Christ) and now my prayers for him have not changed but instead of being prayers of petition they are prayers of thanksgiving. I get so excited when I think about my brother walking in the fullness of the God's Word.

Lastly, I stood next to my mother for the second time this summer as she praised and worshipped God. Oh, what an honor! So for the second week in a row my voice is hoarse because I thought about his goodness and invoked in me a praise from the inside!

Praise the Lord, thy God!

Beauty vs. Intelligence

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 21:29:34 GMT

Wrote this a while ago.

It is no longer enough to tell our children that they are beautiful or intelligent. We must feed them foundational values and beliefs so that when they encounter society's diet that starves them of love and acceptance (for whatever reason) they are able to have a "so-what" attitude and overcome obstacles and barriers that would limit them to a certain situation (due to their lack of specific elements that society deems the norm for acceptance or appropriation). To further this topic I would like to say that we must educate our children on what beauty and intelligence is worth. I say this specifically because throughout my entire childhood I was commended (accepted and loved) by my elders on the basis my mind, however my peers rejected me on the basis of my beauty they were the majority in my life throughout my childhood and their counter value of beauty (appearance) SEEMED to be worth more than my that mind. My elders informed me that my intelligence and talent was weighed upon where it could take me in life. As a child success was not important to me (because as a child my goals were not future oriented but more presented oriented) therefore intelligence and talent were backed by empty substance. Thus, I accepted the fallacy that beauty was more important than brains because it equated to faster acceptance than my intelligence.

All of this is why I say we must explain to our children the substance of the values we place in them. Not only does Lil' Mama need to hear her daddy say she is beautiful, but she also needs to hear daddy say that her beauty is immeasurable, invaluable, and intangible thus it is as much apart of her as her name but it is not where her identity lies. Her Father needs to tell her that her beauty is holistic encompassing both her outer appearance and her inner characteristics and personality. Furthermore, intelligence, integrity, wisdom, humbleness, confidence, and etc are all apart of her beauty and if she neglects or compromises one of those aspects then she has compromised and neglected her beauty. What is her beauty worth? It is worth her love for herself. No matter what she does she cannot forsake who she is apart from body, acquisition or loss of knowledge.

Faith & Works

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 19:58:04 GMT

Today I embarked on a lifelong journey of exercising my faith, AGAIN.

Faith was one of the first things I took major interest in when I became a new creature. One of the very first bible quotes that I learned to recite to people was "Faith without works is dead" and "Oh ye of little faith." All of this is why I find it so ironic that even in my maturity the Lord is telling me "Lena, faith without works is dead."

In the process of deciding whether or not law school is a desirable and viable option for myself I decided that it may be wise to seek valuable insight from those who already practice law. In doing so, I came upon numerous Law offices which I stopped at and politely and respectfully asked if there were any associates available who could afford to give me 10-15 minutes of their time to hear about their experiences as a law student and a law practicioner. Doing this was a way for me to tangibly battle one of my archenemies, Fear. So as of today I have embarked on a Winning streak and Fear a losing one.

One thing that happened, that I feel turned out to be the main point of today, was I stumbled upon a small office located on the side of a large building. The organization's slogan reads: "empowering individuals, youth, family & community." That's basically my LIFE slogan, haha. So I went inside and talked (listened) to a very informative, polite, and helpful young woman by the name of Lisa who basically told me that they're an umbrella type of organization that does almost everything that I've been envisioning of when I think of a career. I am stoked about the opportunity of meeting with the director next week. Whether or not I have a volunteer/employment opportunity with the organization I know that I shall be in contact with them throughout my residency in this town.

Doing as to others as though you were doing it unto the Lord.

The second momentous event of today consist of two seperate encounters. The first being a meeting that I had with a lawyer whose wanted to practice law since he was a boy and has now been in practice for 40 years and counting. He met despite with me despite the 4 or 5 phone memos he had to attend to and the other work scatted about his desk. He had just came off his lunch break and hung up with someone. In his office he listened when I spoke, answered my questions, offered additional, insight and referred to me by name. At the end of our spontaneous meeting he walked me to the door after telling me 'You could be president one day; a woman like Hillary.' I greatly appreciate his time and caring persona especially after having a contrasting encounter.

I walked into a building with many offices. The first person I saw behind a desk was on a cell phone and made no acknowledgement of my presence. Another woman got up from her desk and came to greet me. When I told her the nature of my visit (not seeking legal sevices but still seeking time with an attorney) she stood there taken aback at my request and not knowing how to serve me. She informed me that all of the attorneys were very busy and although she never receieved a similar request she would (relunctantly) see what she could do. She walked into a nearby office and I could see one of her coworkers eaves dropping with a look of both disdain and amusment on his face. When she came out she told me that the attorney was really busy but that he would try and squeeze out some time for me. I assured her that I knew I was asking for precious time, didn't want to be a bother, and was more than willing to make an appointment for 10 minutes at a later date within the next two weeks. She shrugged and told me that she didn't see when there would ever be any time for any of the attornerys to grant my request. I smiled politely, reminded her that I didn't mean to intrude or be a hassle and that there were other offices that could help me. With that we both gave each other polite farewells and turned on our heels. Unfortunately I rolled my eyes and shook my head slighlty before exiting the building. I felt like I was Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman" on Rodeo dr. being professionally shooed away by those two uppity sales reps. What bothered me the most about this encounter was not the rejection but the attitude of the people inside of the building. Because I was not a potential client (potential $$ for the employees) I was "politely" treated as an inferior being.

What brings the two encounters together in my mind is the fact that there is a confedrate flag flying in the center of this small southern town (my family can personally attest to the trickles of racial disharmony that flag symbolizes), the kind elderly gentleman (whose family has been in the town for generations and thus can probably provide accounts racial dissary in both the social and legal facist of society) was a Caucasian, and half of the people from the other office (including the secretary I spoke with) were of African decent. Starting out today I prepared myself for the idea that I might experience ill-treatment due to the shade of my skin by someone of obviously different heritage (whether Caucasian or Hispanic), but to my surprise in this small southern town I was not turned away (to my knowledge) by the supposed "opposition" but neither was I welcomed by my "bretheren". This event is bitter sweet for it seems to be the reality of a distorted Dr. King dream...In one instance I was not judged by the shade of my skin but by the content of my character, yet in another instance I was judged neither by external nor internal qualities but instead by my economic value to the person in question. Prejudices have not been elimanted

I shall keep no record of wrongs because before I left the house I was talking to God about how I shouldn't make permanent judgements about people by what they say or what they do because I do not truly who they are or even who they maybe. A few years back I would have stood in that womans shoes with no remorse; today I weep with those who weep over minor moment of injustice, such as this one. The Lord reitterated a lesson to me today. You never know who may come to you in need. It could be a person who can bless me in return or better yet it could be a Child Of God.

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me...I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me." Matthew 25:40,45

May the Lord grant me the grace to be no respector of persons.

Sidenote...PRAISE HIM: As I was writing this my brother did one of the nicest things he's done for me since I've been home. He made and brought me lunch despite the fact that he's said no more than like 200 words to me this past week. PRAISE GOD!

Researching

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 10:12:49 GMT

I think a number of things will be helpful the next time that I have to do a research paper.

1. Starting earlier.
2. Blogging or journaling as a relief from formal wirting.

Whatever....

Why did I have to pick two topics that threre weren't a lot of research on to write on this semester. For once, can I write an easy paper. Just pick a topic that's not as controversial, look at some sources, compile them, and get to writing. NO!! Is this perparing me for anything in particular? Being a frontrunner on a new issue of study maybe? IDK, I do know that I will be very happy when this writing stuff is over.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 20:10:10 GMT

Shawty don't date for a reason cuz when she love...she love hard; she love long; she hate dealing with love thats gone. He has kept her hidden and it's for a good reason cuz when it's time for her to go He wants her to have wisdom w/o the baggage. He has kept her to Himself as he molds her into jewel to be displayed on His shelf. No signs that say "If you break it you buy it" because when you're done she's still goin be His and he's the one that's gonna have to fix her. So leave her be. Even if she beckons don't come because there's a price to be paid and you know limited editions are always the most expensive. And you gotta work to keep 'em nice. The only way to afford her is if you get a loan. And not just any bank will finance you for this one. Because even if you buy her she ain't really yours. You gotta share her...so it'll be just you, her, and the Lord. You ready fa that?

Monday, May 21, 2007

Mon, 21 May 2007 23:09:01 GMT

I'm at a crossroads. I believe in loyalty and standing in someone's corner through the hard things in life. When it comes to trangressions against me I'm willing to forgive. I've learned to do that and how freeing it can be. I believe in being friends through thick and thin. We've been through thick times and we've had then times. Where I've had to humble myself and ask for forgiveness and where I've had to lay aside my grief, forgive, and comfort my friend.

I know that God is married to the backslider and that there should be a compassion my heart for them as well. Sometimes I struggle to do that, but for this person I've pressed against my emotions and stood by them in their sin. Tried not to condemn but remind them of the standards of holiness, remind them of the life they should be living. They respected my stance and tried not repeatedly talk about the lifestyle they live and the one I oppose. I've stood by them the times they felt they got deliverance only to fail the next test that came their way. Even after warnings from myself and others. Still I stood by them, even if only in the distance.

What's kept me by them is the love for them and faith in God that no matter what life they're presently living, God is still God. mmmm....I don't even want to think about this anymore.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 21:29:32 GMT

Tears welled up in my eye seemingly frozen in time because the brokeness in life is never ending. Oh how I long for an eternity apart from all this pain. How can I be 18 and already tired of living?

My heart is hurting for my brothers and sisters around the world. CNN opens my eyes to all that is wrong. Where is the glory? The reasons for smiling? My family that's making it seems to be hiding.

The ones that are lost are ignorant of the price that has been paid for an invaluable cost. The ones that have been found are still trying to find their way on this narrow path that only reveals the way a step at a time. I know that I'm not alone but it's hard to remember that this burden isn't mine.

So what am I really saying:
When I think and hear about MY PEOPLE:
being slain by each other, slaving under and above minimum wage, being unhappy with their families, living without their parents, pretending to be someone their not, juding others as though their better better because they don't sleep around yet they're destroying people with their words, giving up their heart and sex in exchange for things that are temporary, hiding from their true feelings as though denying feelings will make them unreal, hold grudges, not giving God what he is do whether it be time-money-heart-or-submission, backstabbing each other without thinking twice, giving up on the people they once "loved", raising their voice in anger, saying these they may regret later but will sting longer, searching for their purpose or destiny but neglecting their calling, feeling like they'll never be perfect enough to measure up, living for ideal fantasies, laying in bed crying, not asking for or giving forgiveness, being selfish and thinking about themselves, not giving things 100% because they just don't feel like it, don't treat their body like a jewel, not questioning the challenging things in life, living daily with out actually making a difference, letting our kids suffer because they want to spend their money on a new pair of shoes-car accesories-the music industry-vacation-etc, ignoring and avoiding people that irritate them beyond belief, and etc.

When I think about all of that tears well up in my eyes and some days they fall. Am I alone?

I honestly love my life, yet the life that others lead makes me sad. Is it really necessary that I know a persons name before I am allowed to wrap them in my arms and hold them for a few moments? Is it really necessary that they be close friends before I squeeze them and hold on to them for more than a few seconds? Before I tussel their hair as a display of their affection?

I love my people, the people of the world.